I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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