I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
