It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
