I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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