A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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