'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
