My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Someone came in the potted fern
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
