lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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