Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize