I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize