If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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