For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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