Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
