I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
