Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
