the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You are a genius and a whore.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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