Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize