my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
