break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
