i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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