i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
