I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I love having hate sex.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
