You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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