The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
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You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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