i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
