he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
