doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just gargled with NyQuil
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
