Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
