I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
