She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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