Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
