Is it normal to miss your booty call?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
