I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
