Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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