what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
