i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
