she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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