We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
