So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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