Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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