Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
