What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
