I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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