call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
