did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
