i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
