Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
