My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
