I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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