Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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