I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
