the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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