it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
