he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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