So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want to make out with him forever
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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