Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
