Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
