Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
