I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
