Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
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I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Found the puke drawer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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