so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
