did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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