Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
