can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
