Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
