For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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