So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
