it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
