you traded sex for a burrito?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
