Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
