Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
