Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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