Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
