I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
