Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
