No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
