i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize