she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
